Bittersweet

Bittersweet.  This word has come up from me, and from friends a lot the last week or so.  I'm truly at the end of my final pregnancy, regardless if it ends in one hour, one day or one week (hopefully not more than that ;).  It is my last pregnancy and yes I am sure.  Despite never enjoying the physical aspect of pregnancy, the excitement and anticipation of what it all comes to is not lost on me.  For nearly ten months you grow a miracle and share in that time with loved ones and at the end every phone call and text is "is it time?''.  I'll admit with my first and second baby it got irritating to be asked because I was frustrated and so uncomfortable and I didn't realize how in one moment pregnancy is over and that special time has passed onto a new one.  This time I'm so appreciative of the anticipation and all the shared excitement.  I know that this particular time in my life is almost over, growing babies, being the pregnant girl.  Bittersweet.  I threw up every month of my pregnancy, I can't get comfortable at night, heartburn, hip pain.  Yeah all that stuff.  I'm tired and at times impatient.   I'm content.  I was truly miserable and anxious at the end of my second pregnancy, and before I toot my own horn, I don't know that won't happen this time, but I feel good.  I feel awful but good!!  I feel happy to be 39 weeks pregnant because that means I never had a preterm baby.  I know I won't ever miss physically being pregnant.  I know I'll feel nostalgia for the days of positive pregnancy tests and pregnancy announcements-for this moment right now with the perfectly decorated nursery that hasn't come alive yet because it is waiting for baby.  I'm excited for the rush of hearing "it's time to push" and my favorite moment-when they turn on the heat bed anticipating baby's imminent arrival.  There will be a million amazing moments in my life when it comes to my children.  They start with that lamp being turned on.  I get to do it one more time and I'm so glad that I'm not so "over" pregnancy that I can appreciate how truly blessed I've been to do this three times.  I know in my heart that this feels like the perfect number for us and I'm ok moving on.  I know that even though I've been so sick this pregnancy, I still feel like it was the perfect pregnancy.  I'm so blessed.  I pray for an easy labor and delivery with a healthy baby at the end.  I know the minute she is out I will revel in the miracle once more.  I also know I will be aware that the moment will soon pass and I won't return to that part of my life again.  Bittersweet.  We the Frese family will officially move forward in our stages following Audrey's birth, and I know we are ready to do so.  That is also so exciting to think about-having our whole family here together.  All five of us.  So maybe I'll go to bed tonight and I'll wake up pregnant one more day, maybe not, only He knows.  It is so exciting.  It also helps me to be in the moment everyday with my boys.  Never taking a cuddle or laugh or kiss for granted, knowing that the next day I may be away at the hospital and how their lives will change.  For good yes, but an adjustment also.  My sweet boys, all I've ever known as a momma.  Again, another blog of mine that rambles but I'm emotional in a good way and that's when I like to get it out.  Saying goodbye to our family of four and our days of expecting babies is coming soon.  Knowing Audrey Rose will be here soon and our family will be complete is not bittersweet.  Just plain sweet!