Mommy Guilt

I will be really happy when this week is over, but I am glad its downhill from here.  Monday I dropped Dylan at daycare at 7am drove all day in Colorado making sales calls and ended the night in Grand Junction 11 hours later and 300 miles from home.  The next day I drove back.  Today I had an all day work meeting.  Some times the scales are tipped in favor of work and it upsets the work/life balance.  On the outside I handle this fine... smiles in the morning, smiles at pickup for Dylan!  I genuinely enjoy that time with him, but some weeks it is just not enough, not even close.  I wish I could say "oh well some weeks are busier than others" but as Jake can attest....I emotionally crumble because it breaks my heart to not get more time with D.  I get over the emotions after a good cry and move on, but it happens.  I know I leave Dylan everyday in good hands, but I feel bad for him....he doesn't understand why I was gone overnight or why he can't actually see me when we do video chat.  The early morning dropoffs are hard on my little guy who is sleepy and just wants to stay with me.  I know he is fine after I leave, but I also know he hates to see me go.  Guilt.  It is nearly impossible to avoid for any mother and working mom's have a whole subset of it.  I don't know if this post has much of a point and I certainly don't need to explain what mommy guilt is.  Only that I have it, and I am doing the best I can to deal with it.  Right now that means giving Dylan my all when were together...meaning I may be 7 months pregnant but we will race around the kitchen, and I will throw the bouncy balls up and down the hall, and we will do the hot dog dance more than once (Hello Mickey Mouse Clubhouse).  I will talk to him tirelessly about our day if that's what he needs to calm down, because I love that the sound of my voice can soothe him, I will sing to him every night, and I will remind myself that RIGHT NOW I am doing my best and even if I judge myself, I know that little boy doesn't.

I dedicate this blog post to my working mom friends....who have the right to work, the right to enjoy it, the right to feel guilt, the right to NOT enjoy it, and the right to say....I'm doing my best and I love my child.  Whether you stay at home or work outside of the home, being a mom is the toughest job in the world and I support all my mom friends, but this post goes out to those facing the work/life balance!  Kudos ladies!